A reward chart is a fantastic tool for encouraging positive behaviors in children while discouraging challenging ones. The key to making it work? Focus on what you want to see more of—not just what you want to stop.
When choosing behaviors to reinforce, it’s important to frame them positively. Instead of focusing on “Don’t run in the house,” reframe it as “Use walking feet indoors.” This helps children understand exactly what’s expected of them while keeping the focus on positive actions.
In this guide, we’ll cover specific behaviors you can reinforce using a reward chart, why they should be the opposite of the behaviors you want to decrease, and how to make sure your child stays engaged in the process.
How to Choose the Right Behaviors for a Reward Chart
When selecting behaviors to track, ask yourself:
✅ What positive behavior do I want to see more of? (Instead of just stopping a negative one)
✅ Is this behavior clear and specific? (Rather than vague or general)
✅ Is it something my child can achieve? (It should be realistic for their age and ability)
For example:
🚫 What to Avoid: “Stop whining.”
✅ Better Option: “Use a calm voice when asking for something.”
🚫 What to Avoid: “Don’t hit your sibling.”
✅ Better Option: “Use gentle hands when playing with others.”
🚫 What to Avoid: “No tantrums at bedtime.”
✅ Better Option: “Get ready for bed on time without fussing.”
By flipping the focus to positive alternatives, you give your child a clear goal while reinforcing good habits.
Specific Behaviors to Reinforce with a Reward Chart
1. Listening and Following Directions
👂 Why it matters: Encouraging kids to listen the first time helps reduce power struggles.
✅ Reinforce:
“Follow directions the first time.”
“Stop what you’re doing and look when someone is talking.”
“Use kind words to ask for help instead of ignoring or complaining.”
2. Cooperation & Sharing
🤝 Why it matters: Kids who learn to take turns and share grow into more empathetic individuals.
✅ Reinforce:
“Take turns when playing with toys.”
“Help a sibling or friend when they need it.”
“Clean up toys when asked.”
3. Using a Calm Voice Instead of Whining or Yelling
🗣️ Why it matters: Teaching kids how to express themselves calmly helps prevent meltdowns.
✅ Reinforce:
“Use a calm voice to ask for what you need.”
“Take deep breaths when upset instead of yelling.”
“Say ‘excuse me’ instead of interrupting.”
4. Completing Chores and Responsibilities
🧹 Why it matters: Kids who take responsibility for small tasks develop independence.
✅ Reinforce:
“Make your bed every morning.”
“Put dirty clothes in the laundry bin.”
“Clear your plate after meals.”
5. Healthy Routines (Bedtime, Morning, and Hygiene)
⏰ Why it matters: Establishing routines helps children feel secure and prevents daily battles.
✅ Reinforce:
“Brush your teeth without being reminded.”
“Get dressed in the morning without complaining.”
“Go to bed on time without fussing.”
6. Emotional Regulation & Managing Frustration
😌 Why it matters: Learning self-control is a key life skill that helps children handle challenges.
✅ Reinforce:
“Take three deep breaths when feeling upset.”
“Use words instead of hitting when angry.”
“Ask for help when you’re frustrated instead of crying.”
7. Eating New Foods & Overcoming Picky Eating
🥦 Why it matters: Expanding a child’s diet improves nutrition and reduces mealtime struggles.
✅ Reinforce:
“Try one bite of a new food before saying no.”
“Stay seated at the table until mealtime is over.”
“Use polite words when saying you don’t like something.”
8. Potty Training and Bathroom Independence
🚽 Why it matters: Using the bathroom independently is a major milestone for young children.
✅ Reinforce:
“Tell an adult when you need to use the potty.”
“Wash hands after using the bathroom.”
“Keep underwear dry all day.”
How to Make Sure These Behaviors Stick
✔️ Use Little Prizes & Big Prizes – Small rewards along the way keep motivation high, while a bigger reward at the end reinforces long-term success. (Click here for a full list of prize ideas!)
✔️ Stay Consistent – Reinforce the chart daily so your child understands expectations.
✔️ Keep It Fun! – Let your child put stickers on the chart or move a game piece to keep them engaged.
✔️ Praise Effort, Not Just Results – Encourage progress, even if they aren’t perfect.
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Hi! I'm a Family Alignment Coach with 24+ years of experience guiding parents through the challenges and joys of raising children. I combine my experience in behavior analysis, education and meditation to create personalized parenting plans that help families connect, communicate more effectively and co-create a life they love. When I'm not supporting families, you'll find me hiking, camping, meditating, or practicing yoga at my local studio in Encinitas, California.
